I’m coaching a woman from the western world. She wants to investigate the behaviour of staying “busy” all the time. An old pattern of saying yes, especially to assignments. She is clearly successful on that level. The habit of being busy all the time, however, makes her restless when she is free and does nothing, she can not really rest and appreciate what is. She wants control. At the same time, she would like to feel real appreciation when she meets family and friends. She agrees to give herself permission to just be, to be curious about the slow, to see if she can find some pearls of wisdom, at a pace that she is very above at.
Good girl, looking good, a doer – who has not tried to live up to that at some point in ones life?
What does it really cost us? In the form of relationships, closeness, health and joy?
The next time we meet, we immerse ourselves in the new possibility of being, rather than doing. She feels a great shift as if something has been transformed within her and she gets in touch with a greater depth and wisdom – where she can be without effort. She realizes that her own coaching is mostly “transactional” – like problem-solving, she explains.
In Sweden, it is not so common to use the term transformation. This means that something changes shape – from the larva in a pupa that grows to itself, and one day flies away like a butterfly, or as in the fairy tale – the ugly duckling, which one day becomes a white swan. In the same way, human beings are transformed – from children, teenagers to adults. What has been transformed does not return to its former form.
When we talk about transformation in coaching, we are referring to an energy shift – an expansion to higher energy where new opportunities appear. It is our mind that changes form, our view of what is possible or not. We get a new and bigger perspective. We step outside our safe box/comfort zone with habits and open up to something completely new. Suddenly we can look at what we did before with different eyes. We now see that there are other ways to be as well. We see solutions to what we perceived as problems.
An important such shift takes place, for example, when we have built up so much courage that we dare to stand up for our own uniqueness and the life we choose to live. At this level, we take responsibility for our own choices and the consequences they entail. We no longer perceive ourselves as victims of a variety of circumstances. We also do not have the same need as before, to get the approval or recognition of others to do what we do (and / or be). We have decided to stand up for ourselves in all weathers and love ourselves – even if no one else does. Many others follow this transformation. This is a good place to start in coaching. (If you are not in contact with this, therapy is more appropriate.)
Get in touch if you become curious and want to try transformative coaching!
Warm greetings from Anna